HomeGiftsWriting InstrumentsLove & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs |
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263 of 290 found the following review helpful:
Good principal, disappointed in tone and tangibles... Sep 22, 2006
By A. Cooper I thought the principal behind the book was something that will help virtually every married couple. My husband and I laughed at sections b/c we found some of the anecdotes so spot on to our daily lives. Eggerichs clearly explained to us why we keep going through the "Crazy Cycle." The Respect/Love needs in men/women is potentially a marriage saver or breaker.
I have 2 constructive criticisms of the book. I still recommend this book, however I do give these caveats:
1. This book talks as if men know how to love their wives. There may be a million books out there on how to do it, but we didn't have those. My husband and I were reading this one. And I grew weary of hearing how women needed to learn to respect their husbands. Frankly, I grasped the principal within the first few pages. After a few chapters, I felt like rolling my eyes a little. Because he paid so little attention to talking about how men should love their wives, it felt like that part was very trivialized. I understand that was not the point, however, the title was "Love & Respect", not just "Respect."
2. I would have liked more tangible examples of exactly what it means to "Respect" my husband. I want to do it. And he made it clear that "nagging, complaining, and whining" at him were disrespectful. But I need more examples. What are the active things I can do? Is it disrespectful to remind my husband to take the garbage out the night before? If it is, then how do I make sure the task gets done w/out reminding him? It isn't an issue of control, but I have to get the kids out the door in the morning and I need help and I need him to do this one thing. Make sense? I need to know how to have those discussions w/out disrespecing him.
I hestitate to use this as a small group book b/c it is so one-sided. And it tends to repeat itself. Again, I got the principal pretty quickly. And as good as it is, after a while, enough is enough. Another reviewer said it felt a bit like a brochure for the conference. That is exactly how I felt.
A good book? Yes. A helpful principle? Absolutely. A must-read? Maybe. But definitely helpful to a Christian marriage and therefore, I do and would recommend it.
291 of 329 found the following review helpful:
An ok basic premise, but enough problems that I'd advise other books over this one Mar 24, 2009
By Brian K. William The good:
1) I like the connection between love and respect. Every time he says husbands need respect and wives need love, you have to translate that mentally into *both* husbands *and* wives need love *and* respect, but the basic premise is a good one -- the Christian understanding of love indicates an attitude of honoring, respecting, and blessing the other person.
2) The crazy cycle and reward cycle. This is one of the most important things most couples could learn. Our behaviors are self-reinforcing and good things to lead to more good things in a cycle. Likewise, bad things often lead to more bad things. The good news is that we serve a God of redemption and just as the gospel message teaches us that Christ breaks us out of a cycle of sin, God can redeem broken marriages and break them out of destructive cycles.
3) For *some* couples, a disrespectful attitude toward the husband or an unloving attitude toward the wife *is* the problem. For those relationships, I imagine they would benefit greatly from this book.
The not-so-good:
1) As mentioned by several reviewers already, the book is incredibly sexist. I started making a `W' in the margins when Dr. Eggerichs blamed the wife for the problem and a `H' when he blamed the husband. Skimming back through, it's about 90% W's. Just about any time he says something negative about the husband, you are almost guaranteed to get a follow-up sentence about how his wife's pettiness or nagging or belittling comments or criticizing or bitterness or whatever was really the root cause of the husband's behavior. At times, it was to the point I thought he was emasculating men by making us out to be powerless -- we can't take responsibility for our own behavior because every issue is probably our wife's fault anyway.
2) It's kindof a continuation of #1, but I honestly can't believe he found a man and a *woman* to blame the husband's marital infidelity on the wife. Finding a man who wants to justify his immorality by blaming his wife shouldn't be too hard, but Dr. Eggerichs found a woman who blamed *herself* for her husband's philandering. The idea that a man has so little control over his own actions that he is to be expected to wander if his wife doesn't `put out' often enough is just galling.
3) The narrowness of the focus. As I mentioned above, a disrespected husband or unloved wife is a problem for some couples. But there's lots of reasons marriages struggle, and disrespect is only one of the possibilities. Dr. Eggerichs doesn't acknowledge that at all.
4) He spends quite a bit of energy being defensive about it, so Dr. Eggerichs clearly realizes that the idea of unconditional respect has some problems. I honestly don't see the appeal of unconditional respect. If I want respect from my wife (which I most certainly do!), I will act in a way that *deserves* respect. Why would I demand her unconditional respect regardless of my actions unless I couldn't be bothered to earn it?
140 of 165 found the following review helpful:
NOT THE SEMINAR ON DVD Feb 27, 2006
By Tigersroar84 This book includes a DVD that is a 30 minute book promotion. It is NOT the Love & Respect Conference. If you want the official Love & Respect Conference on DVD you have to order it from www.loveandrespect.com
119 of 144 found the following review helpful:
THIS IS A MUST READ!! Nov 01, 2004
By Chris Burge Ministries Love and Respect is one of the finest books I have read on the topic of male female communication. As this book gains more and more exposure it will go down as a must own in Christian marriage counseling. Not only did I order the book, but I also ordered the 9 cd set on the same topic and the workbooks "Motivating Your Man God's Way. I am a single living in New York and this book contains tremendous material for singles that will prove to be invaluable once they get married. I have taught much of the content in our bible studies. The purchasing of this book may be the single greatest investment you can man make to learn about the opposite sex, and have a God centered marriage.
35 of 40 found the following review helpful:
Good principle, lopsided execution Apr 05, 2009
By R. J. P. Schmerge My husband and I were given this book as a wedding present. The principle is fine if not a tad obvious: love her, respect him and then you'll avoid conflict from feeling unloved or disrepected. Also obvious from the title is that Eggerson is probably going to compartmentalize the sexes and overgeneralize male/female distinctions, and he does. Personally, I couldn't relate to a lot of the "typical woman behavior" he describes (being emotional, nagging, neatness) or even what some of my "primary drives" are supposed to be as a woman. I guess I don't fit his stereotype. And in actuality, I want respect as much as I want love, and I think husbands and wives need both for a healthy relationship. His premise seems oversimplified and doesn't reflect the complexity of real relationships and real people.
Another problem I had with the book was some subtle sexism that crept into the author's writing. He definitely stresses the "wives should respect" side of things more than the "husbands should love" idea, and he often seems to excuse the husband's behavior because the wife isn't being respectful enough or meeting his needs (even though he claims it's supposed to work both ways). One way you can tell is from the examples he gives- they usually illustrate the wife seeing the light and changing her wrong behavior and rarely the other way around. His examples also exemplify fairly narrow gender roles, like the husband who comes home after a long day of work to his homemaking wife who wants to jaw his ear off about the kids while he wants peace and quiet in front of the TV. I never saw any references to women working outside the home, but for men, he includes it as one of their primary desires. Again, this does not describe the reality that I live in nor the one I see played out for most couples I know.
If you want to judge for yourself, here are his main points. He says women want:
-Closeness: She wants to you to be close
-Openness: She wants you to open up to her
-Understanding: Don't try to "fix" her, just listen
-Peacemaking: She wants you to say "I'm sorry"
-Loyalty: She needs to know you're committed
-Esteem: She wants you to honor and cherish her
to feel loved while men want:
-Conquest: Appreciate his desire to work and achieve
-Hierarchy: Appreciate his desire to protect and provide
-Authority: Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead
-Insight: Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel
-Relationship: Appreicate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
-Sexuality: Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy
to feel respected.
If you don't see any problems with the things I've mentioned, it would probably be a very helpful book for you. I won't deny that there is some value in certain points he makes. But if you don't fall into sterotypical gendered behavior and narrow gender roles, you will probably end up frustrated and would be better off skipping it altogether.
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The
Importance Of Lighting In Interior Design
by Jessica Ackerman
Everyone knows how important
paint color, furniture choices and artwork are to
interior design. One aspect of design that is often
overlooked, however, is lighting. Lighting not only
affects the brightness of the room, but it can also
change the way a paint color looks, cast shadows in ways
that make the room seem smaller and have an impact on
the presentation of art work.
There is no light like
natural light. If you are buying, building or
remodeling, opt for as much natural light as possible.
Oversized windows and skylights are two ways to get the
most natural light. Of course, not everyone is in the
position to be able to do that, so you'll have to work
with what you have.
How much natural light do
you get in your room? If the room in question faces
north, you won't get as much natural sunlight as you
would in a southern facing room. Rooms that face south
get bright, natural light throughout the day. Rooms that
face east will only have good natural light in the
morning hours and western facing rooms will have the
most light during the afternoon.
Once you are familiar
with how much natural light is in each room, you'll be
able to make informed choices about what additional
lighting may be necessary. Keep in mind that rooms with
little or no natural light will need artificial lighting
- even during the day - in order to look their best.
Here are some types of lighting to consider.
1. Accent Lighting
Accent lighting is
perfect when you want to showcase a piece of art or a
special piece of furniture or other item. Since light
draws the eye, it will bring attention to the features
in your room that you wish to highlight.
2. Hanging Light Features
Chandeliers and smaller
hanging lamps can be beautiful as well as functional. A
trip to the local home improvement store will quickly
show you how overwhelming the choices can be. You'll
want to select lighting that blends in with your
existing dÃÂécor. For example, a crystal chandelier in a
country themed dining room probably isn't the best
option. If you don't choose carefully, your lighting may
stick out like a sore thumb and become more of an
eyesore than a lovely accent.
3. Recessed Lighting
Recessed lighting is a
good choice for a room that needs extra light throughout
the day. Because the lighting won't interfere with the
existing decor, it can work in almost any room. It
provides abundant light without taking up a lot of space
or interfering with other aspects of the room.
4. Lamps
Using lamps are a way to
add not only additional lighting, but also punches of
color. If possible, see how much light the lamp gives
off before leaving the store. Many lamps serve as
decoration more than as a light source and give off very
little light. If you love the lamp, but it doesn't give
off quite enough light, consider changing the shade
which will usually solve the problem.
When decorating your
home, remember how important lighting is, and give it
the same thought and attention you give to the other
details of decorating your home.
About the Author
Jessica Ackerman is the
featured author at Wall DÃÂécor and Home Accents. Shop today
for great deals on
metal wall sculpture ,
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accents and more unique wall dÃÂécor products.
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